Abused Men
Welcome back to Bibliotherapy Thursday, where we’re continuing our series in honor of Domestic Violence Awareness Month. Last week featured a book geared toward women who have survived abuse by male partners; this week, we’re focusing on the other side of the coin with Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence by Philip W. Cook. This well-researched and relatable book is an invaluable resource for all men who have experienced emotional, physical, and psychological abuse by a female partner.
Intimate partner abuse is an issue steeped in misconception and stigma. Over the years incredible advocates have dedicated their lives to establishing resources and reducing stigma so that our mothers, sisters, and daughters can find safety and healing after abusive relationships. Yet there is still a long way to go toward supporting women seeking safety after abuse, and the same is true for members of many underserved populations including but not limited to LGBTQ folks, undocumented immigrants and refugees, teenagers, elders, and men who are in an abusive relationship with a female partner.
Abuse is insidious and thrives in situations where people feel uncomfortable or afraid to share their experience. The abuser uses psychological tactics to convince their victim that no one will believe their story, or that something terrible will happen should they speak out. Unfortunately and especially for a member of the above populations, if and when the victim does reach out for help, the abuser’s narrative proves true. Victims are met with disbelief, derision, judgement, ridicule, and even legal action.
Investigative journalist Philip W. Cook found that this was the norm for men who attempted to leave an abusive relationship with a female partner. While working with a charitable organization helping children and families navigating parental separation, Cook became aware of the frequency at which men reported experiencing intimate partner abuse in their lives. As he followed up with them, he noted patterns which led him to investigate the matter more thoroughly. He conducted interviews with survivors, mental health professionals, and social scientists and eventually compiled his findings into his book Abused Men: The Hidden Side of Domestic Violence.
Emotional and psychological abuse occur at near identical rates between men and women, and men are less likely to report or defend themselves against physical violence from a female partner out of fear that they will be accused of being the instigator. Female abusers are also more likely to falsely accuse their male partners of physical and sexual abuse against their children. Cook details many more facets of female-perpetrated abuse in his book, but above all the most trying aspect of this form of abuse is the extreme lack of public education on the subject. Though more shelters, family violence advocacy groups, and healthcare workers have become educated on the subject and can offer assistance to male survivors of female-perpetrated abuse, the unfortunate truth is that stigma around this issue is still rampant in our society and it is extremely difficult for survivors to find support and empathy from even those closest to them.
Attempts to bring awareness to female-perpetrated intimate partner abuse have often been met with substantial backlash. There is a concern that focusing on this issue will impede efforts to protect women who are experiencing domestic violence and will minimize women’s traumas. The severity of gender-based violence against women cannot be understated. Women experience rape, mutilation, and denial of education and healthcare at incomparable rates due to systemic injustice throughout the world. However, in much the same way as working to decrease rates of heart attacks and cancer do not cancel each other out, but in fact both lead to a healthier population, working to educate the public about the presence of all forms of abuse will create a safer and more compassionate world for all our children regardless of gender.
You can find Abused Men in print and e-book at these retailers:
Morning Light doesn’t receive compensation for sharing book recommendations, nor do we receive a commission if you choose to buy the book. We just love them and think some of our clients may find them useful!