The Relationship Cure
Valentine’s Day is very much a “love it or hate it” kind of holiday. I completely understand those who dislike it; there’s so much stress and commercialism, and if you’re single or are healing from heartbreak, it can feel like a slap in the face everywhere you turn! For me personally, though, I’ve always loved this day. Perhaps it’s because it’s my parents’ wedding anniversary (2023 makes 49 years!) so it automatically has a special place in my heart, but mostly I think I love it because it’s a day when we make a conscious effort to celebrate love — whether it’s the love between committed partners, our kids, our siblings, our parents, our best friends, or of course, our pets!
While Valentine’s Day can be a wonderful, happy day, it can also bring some missing elements of our relationships into very sharp relief. If you’re noticing some friction in your relationships and would like some guidance on some concrete steps you can take, The Relationship Cure: A 5 Step Guide to Strengthening Your Marriage, Family, and Friendships by Dr. John Gottman and Joan DeClaire is a great place to start!
Gottman, a psychologist whose decades of research provides the foundation of much of the couples counseling field, wrote this book as a practical guide for improving relationships of all kinds. What I appreciate most about this book is how it gives the reader solid advice on how they can improve their emotional communication and nurture the relationships that mean the most to them. People who grow up surrounded by dysfunction may never have gotten the opportunity to learn how to contribute to healthy relationships. Even if you were raised with wonderful examples, many of us find our relationships impacted by our own fears, insecurities, and maladaptive behaviors. Individual and couples therapy can help us get to the root of them, and this book is a great supplemental tool that can give us direction on how to have beneficial interactions. While obviously couples therapy and/or having both people on the same page and striving to nurture their relationship is the best case scenario, it really is amazing how one person approaching an interaction in a healthy way can often set both up for success. We only have control over our own behavior, so even if a friend or partner doesn’t respond how we might like, we can at least be confident that we did the best we could and didn’t contribute to emotional disconnection.
With that in mind, it should be noted: These strategies, like couples therapy in general, are not appropriate if you are in an abusive relationship. I’d hold off on reading this book if you’re in the middle of a toxic situation that you need to get out of. Down the road, you might find it helpful as you work toward laying a foundation for a healthy, fulfilling, relationship with someone who is totally committed to building it with you.
You can find The Relationship Cure in print, e-book, and audiobook at these retailers:
Morning Light doesn’t receive compensation for sharing book recommendations, nor do we receive a commission if you choose to buy the book. We just love them and think some of our clients may find them useful!